The COR of Anni Roc

The Glass Jar @ Art of Connection 2009 Flickr Photo Set

ars longa, vita brevis  (summary)

I was (and still am) going through a very precarious and toxic time of my life which is not the time to disclose at the moment. There has been many an unhappy occasion throughout my life but last month, April is a crescendo in the making in a very long time. Creating this piece of work helped in processing things while enduring this mess. It has been a painful but necessary journey to undergo. And there’s more of the onslaught to come.

occasio praeceps

A couple of months of ago it was suggested to me that I participate with a graduate student’s installation at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. The show is called The Art of Connection where graduate art therapists in the Master of Arts in Art Therapy display their work with the community and sometimes of themselves.

Brian Rath had an internship with an agency that treated children with sexual abuse and provided support for family members. For ethical and anonymous reasons the work from children could not be displayed so instead he asked the public to contribute letters, notes of encouragement, and work regarding the subject of abuse and trauma.

He was asking for contributions for his “social action art project.”

I have designed a project that involves the participation of everyone from mental health professionals to the general public that intends to increase awareness and support for individuals and families affected by sexual abuse or complex trauma.

It involved using jars “to create a space/environment that represents strength, resilience and/or an ability to thrive.” The collection of jars will “create a sense of community through the multiplicity of voices.”

The Art of Connection
May 15 – May 29, 2009
Betty Rymer Gallery
280 S. Columbus Drive, 1st Floor

experimentum periculosum

I had a visual in my mind. Sketched it out as a road map to head towards the goal but it wasn’t a solid concrete idea, it was a guideline. Just went along creating with the materials at hand, experimenting and improvising.

Metal Lid:
To start it off, removed identifying marks and labeling with a sanding disc on my Dremel rotary tool. Gave it a a nice brushed sand look. It even smoothed out the ridges. Though left the phrase, “Separation is natural,” on the lid.

Clay:
Wanted to place pins going out of  the human figure as well as going into it. Cannot use regular clay because of the pins might affect the kiln so used Stonex as a great substitute. It had a long working time as long as it was it was kept moist with water. Consulted my anatomy books so I can scratch in the fiber direction of the muscle tissue in the back of the figure. Consulted Anatomy for the Artist by Daniel Carter & Michael Courtney and Trail Guide to the Body by Andrew Biel.

Eggshells:
According to the Dremel Quick Start Book, “Create a Cut-Egg Decoration,” p.96, it suggested using a #545 diamond wheel. But it costs $15 to get a  so I tried to use what I have as a substitute. Was trying to cut it with a serrated cutting wheel, FAIL. It smelled like burning hair. A dome is a strong shape and that is what I was after so I can place the figure atop of it but gave up. Instead elevated the figure with more clays and tried to insert eggshell portions into it. After the initial figurine was done as the clay was drying, took a brush, wet with water and dipped it in the crumbled eggshells and sorta painted it on the figure.

Glass:
Went to Chicago Hot Glass to rent their cold shop. Used the wet belt grinder to remove identifying marks and smooth it out. Tried to buff it, thinking about returning the jar into its glossy glass state but found out it will take hours to smooth out and don’t want to spend too much money on rental equipment. Tried going to a glass shop and called ahead, describing that I had a jar with scratches to smooth out and was informed to drop in the shop. Disappointed that as I walked in and showed my jar was told that they only deal with flat glass and mirrors. What a waste of time and gas.

I will go on a tangent here that this “city of big shoulders” does not seem receptive to the artistic and experimental process. It seems to be fixated on its foundations on manufacturing (and crappy, modern architecture). How can one innovate and play when restricted to an attitude of – “no, you cannot do that because it’s not meant to or designed for that.” Sorry, but after losing the title of “Second City” to L.A. it’s probably heading downward from there regardless of the obsession of trying to be a “world-class city,” the current president’s former residence, or Olympic bid in lieu of the more historical architectural destruction of the Michael Reese campus.

Received advice from my former glass instructor to use diamond bits on my Dremel to create cracks and etch into the glass. Purchased a nice set from American Science & Surplus. The flex shaft attachment of the Dremel worked beautifully. Also tried using the engraver but it sounded louder and had a high pitch that was irritating. Normally I wouldn’t mind but the area  at the time was more of an office and didn’t want to bother people when I worked outside my work space. Then proceeded to draw cracks randomly on the outside and inside of the jar, creating another plane of dimension. Also without really thinking or planning, putting phrases and words randomly, inside and outside the jar. It is in plain sight but it is very subtle and faint, thus hard to see.

Plexiglass:
Had a hard time figuring out how to make barbed shapes in plastic.  Tried to look up some info, to sum it up it is all about using a multipurpose cutting bit at the slowest speed and to prevent melting the plexiglass. Another method is using a jigsaw with a blade that is 32-36 tpi (teeth per inch.) (Later read about cutting wheels for strictly straight cuts but it was already too late.) Was not happy to see the mess that was produced though by the process of the cutting bit. Don’t have a garage or workshop to get messy, just a triple duty IKEA Jerker table serving as office desk, sewing desk and work station. Instead just took some pliers and started breaking it apart in small pieces. Loved how the plexiglass resembles glass. Used Liquid Nails to mount the plexiglass shards to glass. I wasn’t peculiar about the gooey rough texture of the glue, in fact I wanted it messy, even used the glue itself as paint.

It definitely became more prickly to handle the piece with all the pins and plexiglass. The eggshells kept falling apart, justifiably so but it was intentional. When I turned it in, the head fell apart, LOL. But it was held together by epoxy. Was scared I missed the deadline, even with the time extension still was working at the last minute.

iudicium difficile

My head was swirling at the opening reception. There were a couple times that I had to step out of the gallery. I’m kind of grateful no one I knew per se showed up. Had lots of strong emotions bubbling up. Would not be good for them to babysit me. But there’s a part of me that wanted to show that side of my psyche but I’m not sure how many are prepared to see it. Perhaps next time. Another particular sad emotion that manifested was when I was being the SAIC. It was my dream fantasy first choice school. Had to stop that thought process from rolling into an avalanche. Was telling myself that no matter what school I went to, I’d self-sabotage my education and experience.

Couldn’t bring myself to completely read the notes written, I know they are meant to be encouraging but couldn’t do it. Was asked if I wanted to leave a note but I didn’t do it, wasn’t sure what to say. Kept going back to see if I’d miss something because of the sheer number of jars submitted, 90 according to Brian.

It was interesting to see what people used in their jars, it made it all the more individual. It makes one wonder what kind of person made the piece that they contributed. Particular noting was that there were a few common materials used. It could be the pattern searching part of the brain or that some materials, just like color, seem to communicate similar ideas. How at least two people who never met are using the same materials (AKA “mats” to you WoW ppl.) Saw 2 jars with the color purple, part of my radar because it’s my favorite color. Two Three jars that used or referred rope, and in a similar fashion of having it extend outside the jar. There was one that used cactus which reminded me of my pinned figure, using spikes as protection. Eggshell and rocks as classic materials to use. Saw 2 jars that used horse hair and hooves, reminders of a peaceful time. The horse materials stuck out to me due being a city slicker and the use of natural products.

As I was walking towards the train, noticed there was a big event at the Art Institute, found out later it was the Modern Wing opening. The atmosphere felt contrived and elitist while walking past there. Felt that what I saw at the Rymer Gallery was more realistic and down to earth than the fancy wine and cheese bridgate. Guess that’s why I haven’t been to a gallery and museum in a long time. It feels suffocating and isolating.

ars longa, vita brevis  (story)

It’s really strange to have the imagery instantly without a second thought to its possible meaning. Just see something in my head and then construct it, never really sitting down and think about it. Now that it’s done it can pondered on what is going on.

This type of abuse seems to be such a pervasive, silent social killer. There’s no open dialogue or information, only when it’s too late. Stranger still how there were many PSA’s concerning sexual abuse in the 1980’s but it’s been very quiet in the past 2 decades as it is being heavily overshadowed by anti-drug campaigns. There’s a strong focus on the predators in the internet but it can happen anywhere in real life too, and from not some stranger but from a well-known individual exploiting and betraying their trust. Where is that PSA?

Don’t know if I was going through a mental, emotional exorcism of sorts while making it. While inserting the pins into the human figurine, randomly thought of voodoo dolls and the antagonist from Hellraiser, Pinhead. Even that cheesy porcupine mutant bad boy from the 3rd X-Men movie. The first two good references out of three ain’t bad. This malicious looking visual is a two-way street, the pins also go out of the body, like a porcupine (sigh)- for protection. But protection can also hinder and prevent growth and development. “Sitting on pins and needles,” is another thought.

Was I projecting my thoughts into the poor clay? Was my brain extracting the thoughts and projecting it on the glass so it won’t stay in my head anymore, or at least have less sway? Aside from the microcosm of the person, there is the macrocosm of the surrounding environment. Perhaps silence and boogeyman stereotypes are represented by the shards heading towards the person. Yet it can outwardly project out too to protect its inhabitant. I know that the jar is supposed to represent protection and nurture, a barrier. Guess I’m displaying that the wrong type of barrier can be destructive as well, as in my case.

Eggshells seemed to have a pretty universal message that represents delicacy and fragility. Thought of the phrase, “walking on eggshells,” as well. Was trying to make the eggshell like skin, cracking and breaking apart to reveal the muscle inside.

The fetal position of a human is used a lot but it is a very classic human position of protection to curl up into a ball to protect the vulnerable abdominal region. Always loved anatomy and like to incorporate it in my work. Showing a lack of skin makes the figure all the more vulnerable.

Looking at the random scratches and dull areas of the glass made by the wet belt sander, it made me think of it being muffled due to it’s loss of its original glossy state. That it is imperfect and it will obfuscate, preventing peering and analysis, even possible help.

Perhaps this piece serves as a warning to be careful of the boundaries the one sets up in lieu of protection. The wrong type and overly doing it will ultimately hurt you. Trauma has the subversive power to tear one apart in pieces.

Despite the imagery it had a consoling and comforting effect for me. It’s not every so often I make pieces like this but it’s been in hibernation for too long. Would like to continue on making “social action art.”